Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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