11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
