ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
