Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I will be naked everywhere
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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