Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
