You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
