bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
