yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
