you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
