Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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