After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
