Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
