Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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