I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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