ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
