it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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