i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry my hands just texted you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
