how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
