I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
