i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
