If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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