Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
