We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
