it was like fucking gandolphs beard
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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