i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just had sex bonerless
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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