it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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