I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
