Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
