HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
