tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
