Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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