How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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