He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
