first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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