I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's great music for shaving your balls
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
