I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
