ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In America we eat man semen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
