so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
