$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
