my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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