I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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