I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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