she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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