Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
