the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got inside last night via doggy door
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
