I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
