I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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