I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
