i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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