Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
