Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
