You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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